Thursday, January 27, 2011

Suicide Sucks

I like to play Words With Friends on my iPhone and iPad, which is like playing Scrabble, but online. You can play against people you know (hence the name) or let the game match you against strangers. I like to play with my friends. People I know in real life, and people I know through Twitter.

There was this guy I knew through Twitter. Young guy. We've been following each other's tweets for about two years. He was a fan of Twilight and liked the Twilight blog I used to co-author. He went to UT and loved that my husband had as well. He always had a kind word to say and was always encouraging. I know he struggled with insomnia and always seemed to be online.

He was one of my favorite people to play Words With Friends with. Whenever one of us would play a funny word, we'd use the chat option to laugh about it. We always had a game going. A few months ago I got busier and found myself only being on WWF about once a week or so. He bugged me about it, said I needed to get on more often. He was always on. Whenever I submitted a word, I knew within 5-10 minutes, he would play and it would be my turn again.

But once again, it had been a week since I had been on. I logged on and saw that he had left me a couple of messages on our chat. Except they weren't from him. They were from his sister, telling me he died, and giving me his email address if I wanted to leave a few kind words about him there. I was stunned. I didn't know he was sick. I wrote her back asking for more information, and she wrote me back last night. He took his own life. But not before he submitted this last word in our game.




Needless to say I'm in shock. I only knew him casually and I had no idea he was hurting so much. I can't help but wonder what was going through his mind when he played his last word "died" with me. Was he reaching out? Was he hoping I was online so he could have company? Was there anything I could've done to have encouraged him had I known?

Could I have shared how I had suicidal thoughts as a teenager and how I understood what it felt like to think all hope was lost? Could I have told him that even though we were casual friends I cared about him? His suicide has shaken me to the core, and I was just an online buddy of his. I can't imagine what his family must be going through. I am praying for them. Such a horrible tragedy they are left with.


He was always on Words With Friends, always online. And now he's not. Suicide Sucks.

My friend, I will miss you.




http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

800-273-TALK


Thank you Grace.

13 comments:

  1. Julie, that's so sad. I am so sorry!

    Perhaps you want to direct readers to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:

    http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

    800-273-TALK


    xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you Grace, I'll add it right now.

    ReplyDelete
  3. How very sad, I'm so sorry to read that. What a loss.

    Take Care,
    Molly

    ReplyDelete
  4. deeply sorry...my great aunt and uncle commited suicide together...it is a strange feeling to process...there isn't much to say. My thoughts and prayers are with you and his family too...syd

    ReplyDelete
  5. Big hugs, Julie. I have had friends who have taken their life, and have attempted to myself. I am so sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Julie - Honey, I am so sorry....so sorry... (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh Julie! I'm so sorry :( I found out last week that a guy I went to HS with who married a friend of mine took his life last week as well :( You always wonder...what if I'd... Thinking of you and his family!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you Grace for the suicide prevention info.

    I'm really sorry you had to go through that Syd.

    Thank you everyone for your kind words.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh how sad...
    My stepson died of suicide at 17 and both of my grand fathers and I agree suicide sucks!
    Thanks for sharing the hotline info.
    There is also help for families and friends at http:wwwsurviversofsuicide.com

    http://doreenmcgettigan.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. I just cant imagine what anyone would feel when they think taking their own life would be a better feeling...sorry for your friend...my heart goes out to his family and friends...i think when they makethis decidsion they forget how much it will effecet the people they leave behind...i am so sad for them.and you...I am lucky that i have never known anyone that has ever thought this has been a good idea...and i hope I never will....

    ReplyDelete
  11. Julie, I'm so sorry you had to experience this. Suicide is the most selfish act a person can do as they leave utter devastation of their loved ones and friends.

    What if's are plenty but the truth is, if someone is set on doing this, they may be delayed by interventions or friends/families, but eventually they do it. At least that's my experience, your mileage may vary ;)

    Hugs my friend!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wendy, I know you've been through it. I appreciate you leaving a comment and sharing your feelings on it.

    ReplyDelete