There was this guy I knew through Twitter. Young guy. We've been following each other's tweets for about two years. He was a fan of Twilight and liked the Twilight blog I used to co-author. He went to UT and loved that my husband had as well. He always had a kind word to say and was always encouraging. I know he struggled with insomnia and always seemed to be online.
He was one of my favorite people to play Words With Friends with. Whenever one of us would play a funny word, we'd use the chat option to laugh about it. We always had a game going. A few months ago I got busier and found myself only being on WWF about once a week or so. He bugged me about it, said I needed to get on more often. He was always on. Whenever I submitted a word, I knew within 5-10 minutes, he would play and it would be my turn again.
But once again, it had been a week since I had been on. I logged on and saw that he had left me a couple of messages on our chat. Except they weren't from him. They were from his sister, telling me he died, and giving me his email address if I wanted to leave a few kind words about him there. I was stunned. I didn't know he was sick. I wrote her back asking for more information, and she wrote me back last night. He took his own life. But not before he submitted this last word in our game.
Needless to say I'm in shock. I only knew him casually and I had no idea he was hurting so much. I can't help but wonder what was going through his mind when he played his last word "died" with me. Was he reaching out? Was he hoping I was online so he could have company? Was there anything I could've done to have encouraged him had I known?
Could I have shared how I had suicidal thoughts as a teenager and how I understood what it felt like to think all hope was lost? Could I have told him that even though we were casual friends I cared about him? His suicide has shaken me to the core, and I was just an online buddy of his. I can't imagine what his family must be going through. I am praying for them. Such a horrible tragedy they are left with.
He was always on Words With Friends, always online. And now he's not. Suicide Sucks.
My friend, I will miss you.
Thank you Grace.