Thursday, December 11, 2008

Eat My Cat Food At Your Own Risk

Ah, the opossum. Such a gentle, beautiful creature. With the lovely bald patches and the rat tail, and the way it hisses at you when you hit it in the head with a shovel. Repeatedly.

The other night I was making dinner with my mother, who was visiting. Haven rushed into the kitchen in a panic, saying there was some strange creature on the porch eating our cat food. I knew it was either a raccoon or opossum. Opossum it was. I ran outside to scare it away and noticed that there happened to be a shovel lying there on the patio floor. I was thinking the shovel might be a good deterrent for future visits by this opossum. So I whacked him as hard as I could with it. He didn't run far, so I chased after him and whacked him again. I got him cornered against the cinder block wall in the backyard and whacked him again and again and again. As hard as I could with the shovel. Mostly in the head. He slowly started to climb the wall. I whacked him again and again and again. (and again) He did eventually climb over the other side of the wall and got away from me. I'm not entirely sure that I didn't cause some internal bleeding. Perhaps the neighbors got a nasty little present waiting for them in their backyard the next morning.

Wow... why all the violence? Didn't you hear? My mom was visiting. I couldn't very well whack her, now, could I. Poor 'possum. If he did survive the night, he would be wise to warn his little 'possum buddies to stay away from our cat food. Especially when my mom is visiting.

30 comments:

  1. Oh dear. You do know about therapy right? Spare the rod already. Next time call me. I'll send Moses over. He has killed a dozen of these critters over the years... BUT I DIDN'T ASK HIM TOO!!!

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  2. Haven't you seen "Over the Hedge"??? They have no where to go because of urban sprawl...
    Who am I kidding???!!!
    Poison the sucker! So gross! I would be afraid to use a shovel, (too close to me!)but maybe a good poisoning is what he needs!

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  3. I sure hope your mom doesn't read your blog!! ;D I did the same thing to a tarantula.

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  4. bah hah hah, i laughed so hard i almost choked on my honey toast!

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  5. ha ha ha!! That was really too funny...I would almost feel sorry for the possum...almost. (ick)

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  6. ew. those things give me the heeby jeebies... they look like giant rats.

    not that I would go postal on one like you did, though. but I have a mom, too, and I completely understand. :-)

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  7. My mom's coming for a visit in a couple of weeks. You can send the opossum, and the shovel, my way.

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  8. ha ha.. I cannot even say anything, I am just laughing picturing you banging on that little guy/girl... poor thing... ha ha

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  9. If you ever need to go postal on an opossum ever again, come to my house! There are several families of them in the field behind our house. They love to come over and torture my dogs and eat their food.
    Nasty creatures!

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  10. OMG, I just laughed so hard at that! Those things are so nasty... like big slow rats!

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  11. You need to get to the movies girl, your tension level sounds off the charts!!! :) xoxo

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  12. You go girl! I'm not sure I would have the guts to go after such a varmint with a shovel. It's also nice to know that other families have their issues with these sorts of creatures.

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  13. Oh yuck, those things are so nasty!! You're way braver than I!

    Thank you for stopping by my blog yesterday and for leaving a comment while you were there :o)

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  14. You have a lot more courage that I do. I wouldn't have been able to get anywhere near it. They are hideous creatures aren't they?

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  15. Wow! Aren't they supposed to faint with fear and pee on themselves?

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  16. Yikes! I... um... well... um... see... umm... Yikes! That's all I can say... -BA

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  17. Words cannot quite quantify the morbidity of your excitement! LOL. I would NEVER NEVER NEVER have the .... balls thats the word (sorry virgin ears) to do such a thing. I don't even think I could keep my arm straight enough to shoot such a rodent!

    Too Too Funny


    Robbin

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  19. You know, if you had a geriatric greyhound for a pet, you would be hiding the body in the trash instead of beating a marsupial yourself. I have hidden 13 bodies on behalf of the dog over the years. It wasn't until the 13th that I realized that by beer trapping slugs, I was luring the damn things into the backyard, getting them drunk and then sending the predator out to say hi.

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  20. I read through the comments to see if PETA got wind of your post. Relieved to see they did not. :)

    I hate opossums. Nasty, ugly creatures. I may have uttered a "you go girl" while reading your post.

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  21. Girl you are brave! I am quite impressed.

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  22. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


    The only animal I have ever hit with my car is opossums. Stupid, ugly things. Bleh :P

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  23. I want to introduce you to a couple of our friends... the ones who freaked out when the Hubby annihilated a spider for the offense of slinking across our sitting room floor. They couldn't believe we didn't lift it put it outside. (!)

    I will watch what I say around you though if there is ever a shovel nearby.

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  24. I can't stop laughing picturing you beating that freakin ugly possum; it was too stupid to play dead! They're one of the ugliest, scariest looking creatures ever. I'm even afraid of o'possum road-kill. I refuse to run over one after it's already dead.

    It could have eaten the wood off the house before I would have attempted go after it with a shovel. WOW...my hero!

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  25. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA So let me get this right. If I'm over at my inlaws, and my sister-in-law starts driving me towards madness, I can just go out and hit wildlife with a shovel a few times to feel better? I can do that... BAHAHAHAHAHA

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  26. Julie, why all the holding back? :)

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  27. You better not let PETA get ahold of this Julie. LOL. You crack me up.

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  28. Oooo, ouch! The things I've missed out on the past week plus that I've been MIA! I'd suggest a glass of wine, but I'm afraid bad things might happen if you imbibed with her still around ;)

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  29. Julie,
    This is very sad... I would like to see you hitting to death a baby kangaroo, or a koala - as they belong to the same family as opossum. (It being the only marsupial in the US) I hope your story isn't true and there was no harm done to the poor animal.
    They're actually harmless prehistoric animals and do good for the environments by hunting mice, rats, roaches, just like your cat. :) They won't attack for no reason, and don't carry rabies; well deserve to be protected - hitting them with a shovel is a crime.

    Some facts:
    http://www.opossumsocietyus.org/opossum.html
    http://www.opossum.org/facts.htm

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Monodelphis_domestica93-300.jpg

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