Friday, October 3, 2008

Stop Laughing!!!

Earlier in the week, Marshall decided we should go out to dinner, to help take my mind off the whole checking-account-cleaned-out-by-a-no-good-thief ordeal. We were already in Westwood (near Beverly Hills) since Marshall was picking up his brand new camera that had just arrived. Westwood... you know, where all the rich people of L.A. live. So we decided to go to a fancy shmancy restaurant like Chili's. My man only treats me to the best! Well, we did have to valet our car at least.

Anyway, so the host guy seats us at one of those tables that shares a long booth with another table less than 2 feet away. I never like sitting in those arrangements because you are so close to the other party's table that you can't talk without your every word being overheard. But when we sat down, the other table was vacant, so we figured it would be fine.

About 5 minutes after we sat down, 7 mentally disabled adults were seated in the table next to ours. They were packed in so tight, that the guy on the end's chair was touching Marlie's high chair. And Marshall and I give each other this look, like we cannot believe this is happening. And maybe it's the stress of the week, or the fact that I'm a horrible person, but I start to giggle. And I can't stop. And I'm having to cover my face in my hands and turn my head away to keep from being painfully obvious that I'm laughing at those people's misfortune. And every time I seem to maintain my composure, Marshall makes a face at me and I lose it again. And then Marshall said to me, "You are SO going to Hell."

And I know it's wrong to laugh. I. KNOW. But for some reason I was having the hardest time keeping a straight face. And that was even before they started the conversation about the "drunkest they've ever been". And inspired by their conversation, I decided I needed some beer. Yes. Maybe beer would help me control myself better. (hey, it's been a tough week... I'm not saying my logic was working so well)

Just when I thought I was controlling myself, the one guy with the clubbed hand started flipping through the menu with his mouth. I. KNOW. I'm a terrible person. His name was Caleb. I know this because his higher functioning friends started yelling his name out, reprimanding him when he started grabbing stuff off of OUR TABLE. Oh yes he did. That was before he started lifting his shirt. Then he and his friends were talking about what was appropriate behavior in public and what wasn't.

AND MARSHALL WAS NOT HELPING ME AT ALL. Oh no. He was egging me on. Loving that he had self-control and I did not. Caleb was having trouble with self-control too, so his higher functioning friends forced him to switch seats, so he'd stop messing with us. Shortly after that, the entire group started singing, "Wouldn't It Be Nice" by the Beach Boys, but they were making up their own lyrics to make it even funner. And then one of them threw his menu across the aisle at an empty table.

By then, I took out my iPhone and started texting Lula, so I could tell her the blow by blow account of how our dinner was going. She thought I was making it up. You can't make stuff like this up.

What about the kids, you ask? Well, Marlie stared at them the whole time. We tried to get her to stop staring, but how can you really blame her, when they were much more entertaining than we were? Seamus was oblivious. Haven turned to me and whispered, "Mama, I think there is something wrong with their brains." Apparently I raised him right, but someone dropped the ball when it came to raising me.

And right after that, a girl at another table, across the aisle from us, started throwing up into her platter of food. Oh yes... Marshall really knows how to show a girl a good time.


  1. Oh No!

    I had the WORST dream the other night....I was getting robbed and it was time to pay the bills...Hmmm ....wonder why I dreamed that!?

    PS Thanks for the bloggy love and photography compliment! Does your hubby need to "donate" his old camera to a needy person!? LOL

  2. Saw you on pages our life and stopped by...cute blog!
    -Sandy toes
    p.s. love the purple!

  3. It's okay that I laughed my way thru this entire post, right? You DID want me to spew out my coffee, right?

    Do you have ANY idea how gifted you are with storytelling?!?

    Blessings to you today .... Susan

  4. I am not sure that I will ever be able to go to Chili's again without thinking of you. Or someone throwing up.

    And my children are addicted to Chili's. Why? Because they have been raising money for St. Judes - and now I have to PAY for them to color. It certainly wasn't fun when it was free...

  5. You need to write a book! How many times do I have to tell you???


  6. Now THAT is a fun family activity.:) Love your blog, I found you on Mommy Gossip. We love Chili's too, but never had your hair (or shirt) raising experience:)

  7. You know what stinks thet worst about my phone dying? I don't have the 87 texts we exchanged when all this was going down. (OK, so it wasn't 87--I think it was actually like 40-something.) Because it was hilarious then and it's still hilarious now. And you're not going to hell!

    Told you it was perfect blog fodder! I laughed hearing about this all over again. Sorry your pictures didn't come out well.

    I totally just outed you! HA!

  8. that is too funny! Once I started a laughing fit in the middle of a church service. It was the way the guy was pronouncing a certain word. I couldn't stop. I was visiting my parents and my sister was there too. Soon we were all laughing we were crying. I am sure the others in the room thought we were one whacky family!

    And him saying there was something wrong with their brains - too funny!

    Thanks for visiting from BATW!

  9. Oh no. Look, you need a vacation. You guys should play homeschool hooky (is that how you spell hooky) next week. Pack up the kids, come to the beach and relax. We will kidnap Heather and Angie, and let lose. You can sleep over. Seriously.

  10. Oh, I am laughing my head off right now. I'm sure I would have been laughing right along with you. I always find myself getting the giggles in situations when I really shouldn't be laughing. When you're trying not to laugh, it makes you laugh even harder.

  11. You did not me you were not laughing...with your purple hair and all? :)...And FYI, I like the purple streak...and I like your hair straight...It's really pretty...

    Now I was just thinking I'd like to take the kids to Chili's tonight...oh wait, now I can't...I will never ever be able to eat there again...ever...why couldn't this story have taken place at The Olive Garden...a place I already loathe...bummer

  12. Hi there! Staci from Oklahoma here just saying sorry for it taking me so long to get around to thanking you for stopping by my blog on my BATW spotlight day! I'm cracking up at your post today! We just went to Chili's the other night...but it sounds like you had a waaay better time :) Thanks again for stopping by and hope you have a great weekend! Your children are just beautiful! And I love your haiar straight!

  13. Omigosh...I am so sorry to hear that...what a world we live in today. I wanted to stop by and say hi... thank-you sooo much for coming by from sits today. cherry

  14. Oh my gosh! With all your training and degree, you couldn't keep a straight face? Is this what being with only children will do to a mommy?

    LOL! You were once so good at containing yourself, especially with all the wacky things happening at the nursing homes we went to.

    Thanks for the giggles, and seriously, you need to get out with some adults! LOL!


  15. You Are SO Going To Hell! And I'm coming with you- since I sniggered through the entire post!

  16. Too funny. You live such a glamorous life.

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  18. Wait. Your car gets valet-ed at Chilis? Wow.

  19. Okay so we really must have been raised by the same mother. I was laughing so hard I'm crying. I don't think we'd be allowed to go to dinner together. Ever.

  20. After a rather long hiatus, I am trying to catch up on my blog reading. Mostly I am just reading without commenting, but this post changed that. I seriously almost pee-ed myself. That is definitely the most interesting dinner experience I have ever heard about!!!!!!