Monday, November 10, 2008

I'm a "Well-Meaning Adoptress"?

November is National Adoption Month! Did you know that? This month I will include some new and old posts about adoption. This post first "aired" June 8, 2008.

Alexa, Seamus’ birthmom, spent Saturday with us, and we had a wonderful time with her, like always. We love her!!!! She loves reading my blog and she’s pro-adoption, so she figured she would like to start a blog as well. I think she would have a lot to say since she is a birthmom and an adoptee. (I’ll announce her blog once it’s up and running) Anyway, she asked me to email her some links to blogs of other adoptees and birthmoms, who are largely “angry” adoptees and birthmoms. Alexa would like to see what they have to say before she starts writing about adoption.

So I’m clicking links here and there, and then I click on a blog and look at the picture of the blogger. I know this woman. She was a fellow Gymboree mom and her son was in Seamus’ Gymboree class. I remember her mostly because her son was a holy terror and she was sugary sweet, almost inappropriately so. Seamus was enrolled in that particular class when we brought Marlie home. Since he still had four months to go, I just wore Marlie on my hip in a sling and did the class with Seamus.

Well, since I “know” this mom, I decided to check out her blog. Didn’t take me too long to see that she’s an angry adoptee that hates adoption. I looked at her “adoption” posts in her archive, and low and behold... there is an entire post written about ME. Yes, that’s right. ME. What are the odds I would randomly come across a post some acquaintance wrote about me? You wanna know what she wrote?

"The Well-Meaning Adoptress"

"For those of us who've been unbrainwashed by seeking and finding the truth about adoption, it seems especially odd for a mom of two sons to seek other children to adopt. This week, at one of my son's classes, a white adoptress had a black baby in her sling. Either she changed dads since the boys or she adopted, I thought. I found out soon after seeing her that she, a la Madonna, has a little black baby that is not hers, and will never be hers, riding on her hip. Funny how one never seems to see a black mom or adoptress (or both) with a white baby on her hip. Nonetheless, the Madonna adoption complex seems to have hit L.A. It's a real shame.

I have a real problem with someone who not only takes someone else's child and pretends to be the mother, but who seems proud of her legal kidnapping. I find, however, that many people have been so brainwashed by the $1.5 billion adoption industry that they rejoice when an adoptress takes a child.

Most people are so glued to the television that they've lost their intuition, the intuition that says a mom and baby belong together. In the rare circumstances where a mom and baby need to be separated, let's call a spade a spade and not pretend that the family who raises the child is the child's real family."

Wowsers. Obviously she didn’t know I had adopted Seamus too, or she probably would have put a bomb in my car. Come to think of it, she’s probably the one who ripped my pro-adoption bumper sticker off my car when it was parked at the mall for Gymboree class.

I’m not the only one she slammed in her blog. She apparently also mentioned Cheryl Crow:

"I'm as disappointed in Crow's decision to rip apart a natural family as I was in Madonna's. I'd always thought that Crow had some kind of respect for family, but evidently I was wrong."

Interestingly, she calls herself a “Thinking Mama” and describes herself as a “homeschooling, breastfeeding, Lesbian who is happily married to a man.” I swear, I’m not making this up. She has a second blog (linked from her first blog) that is devoted to writing about being a Lesbian, while being happily married to a man and all that goes along with that. Apparently she does not agree with forming families in “unnatural” ways (which includes adoption) so she made the decision to marry a man so she could have a family. She says she thinks she is a Lesbian because of the absence of a “mother” when she was growing up. And by “mother” she means her birthmother, because she was raised by her adoptive mother.

Even though her post is from July 2007 (back when we were still in Gymboree), I’m seriously tempted to comment in her blog. “Oh, hey! That’s ME your talking about! Thank you for unbrainwashing me with your insightful post. I now know I’m a horrible person for ripping natural families apart. Someone should smack me.”

All kidding aside... I’m sorry Angry-Lesbian-Gymboree-Adoptee feels that way, but I don’t need her permission to be a “real” mother to my kids. When they run to me and I scoop them up in my arms, it is real. Real for them and real for me. The bond I have with my younger two, who I adopted, is the same bond I have with my older one, who I gave birth to. The simple yet profound bond of a mother to her child.


  1. Holy cow!!!!!!!! I am a new blogger & adoptive mother! Also in the process of adopting from Ethiopia! I cannot believe what I just read! Wow she has issues! I just love your attitude & can learn alot from you! I get alot stares & inappropriate comments about my little man on my hip! By the way I LOVE you purple house! I am so passionate about purple too! And your children one word-PRECIOUS! Nice to meet you



    Adoption is a fundamental principles of life and the Christian faith.

    I feel so sorry for this lady! I wonder how her husband feels being married to a Lesbian, just so she could make a family? I'd think he feel like he was married just for his sperm. What a rocky foundation for a marriage!

  3. Oh, so glad you reposted this!

  4. YIKES!!!! What are the chances of finding such a post about yourself?!?

    And how funny! And infuriating! And just plain sad.

    On a completely unrelated note ... I have that same sweater, only the blue-green version (J. Jill??). :-)

  5. Just wow!
    A. finding a post about yourself is something!
    B. her self-description is beyond belief. That's one confused lady.
    C. Maybe someday she'll find your post about herself ;-P

    Also unrelated, found your blog, through...HSBA (?not sure now) I love it.

  6. My hands are sweating and my jaws are clenched after reading this. I have to do my adoption post for November; once the fire is out of my eyes from what I have just read.

  7. Oh. My goodness. That just screams "CRAZY" - adoption is a beautiful and much needed thing in our world. How many more children would be aborted if not for adoption?

    Besides, as Christians, God has adopted us into His family - but it doesn't sound like she would be open to hearing that anyway.

    Rubbish, I say!

  8. How sad that there are such hateful people in this world. Adopting a child is one of the most loving things that someone could do and for someone to say such nasty things about it is just despicable.

  9. What a hateful and nasty woman! Sheesh! I'd be rip roaring mad if I were you...she's a ridiculous COW.

  10. Oh my goodness... Somehow I missed this one the first time around. That's so crazy!
    It totally boggles my mind that someone can really feel that way. I mean, I get being bitter and all, but this just takes it to a whole new level!
    This girl seriously needs to deal with her emotional baggage. Seriously.
    It's just ridiculous.

  11. There just are no words, that is some seriously RICH material. I so would have thought you were making it up until you said, "I'm not making this up!"

    You have no idea how much I needed to read this right now- it would go under my Thank you: post! :)

  12. What a horrible thing for you to have to come across! That woman must be smoking something strong as she is filled with hate and anger. Obviously she has no idea what she is talking about. Also is it wrong that I find it hysterical that she is a LESBIAN who is MARRIED to a man? Um hello, does her husband not know this? I'd love to see HIS thoughts on their relationship!

    I think adoption is wonderful and that every woman and man who do so are that child's real parents! A parent isn't someone who gave birth to the child or contributed to their DNA, it's the person who Loves the child as their own and raises them to the person they become. It's the person who kisses their heads before bedtime and sends them love notes in their lunch. It's the person who cares for that child with their entire heart and would do anything for them. Tell that to ms angry lesbian.

    You are a wonderful mother and I someday hope to join all the other adoptive mothers by adopting some kids of my own!

  13. wow....and wow again......sorry you read that mess that was written about you ...and that's just exactly what it was..."mess"....I think that you have a beautiful family.....and I think your family was created in a beautiful way

  14. I am just flabbergasted by that woman. I can't believe she thinks adoption is tearing a family apart. We're not talking about kidnapping children here. Adoption is such a wonderful thing. And you are obviously a wonderful mother.

    Angry Lesbian needs to seek therapy. Pronto!

  15. WHAT?!?!???!?!

    Seriously!!! I cannot believe Angry Lesbian wrote that about you!!!! "Legal Kidnapping"... that is just ridiculous.

    You may have seen this before, but I wanted to share:

    The Answer (To an Adopted Child)

    Not flesh of my flesh
    Nor bone of my bone,
    But still miraculously
    My own.
    Never forget
    For a single minute:
    You didn't grow under my heart
    But in it.
    --Fleur Conkling Heyliger

  16. That is just incredible. I cannot believe there are actually people who feel this way. Did you actually rip your baby out of her birth mother's arms and take off running back to our country? 'Cause that's what she makes it sound like. Can you say "Cray-zee"?

    Looks like the key word in this comment section is WOW!

    You know, I always say there ain't no cure for stupid, and this woman is living proof!

  17. Julie that lady is a realy nutjob! I don't know if she's worth responding to because she clearly has issues. I hope she stops confusing her own kids with her having the cake and eating it too antics.

  18. Wow! I'm not sure whether I should laugh or cry. Thank God you and other adoptive parents don't feel the same way! How dare you provide your children with all your love and a better life!?! I think I'm a little more disturbed that said nut has children! Imagine how they are going to be in ten years! Yipes!

    Silly woman...we should bombard her with messages to the fact that LOVE not BLOOD or NUTS (in her case) make a family. Personally, I hope to be fortunate enough to "kidnap" a couple of my own someday =)

  19. Wow. The only thing I can come up with is Wow. And aren't you glad you don't still have her in a Gymboree class or -- worse yet -- a SCHOOL class where it's more permanent!

  20. Wow.......I'm speechless.

    You really should link her blog for all of your opinionated friend to pay a visit to.........

  21. Well, you know I am taking her down. It's all planned out. It will happen. Very soon.

  22. are you serious? There are people like this out there? I am truly amazed...and I am speechless...

  23. Wow, this horrifies me. I didn't know people like this were out there! I guess I'm not sure what she thinks should happen to children who need to be adopted. I am speechless. She is a truly disfunctional person and it frightens me. Ugh. I can only guess that her adoptive situation was so bad that is scarred her. I can't think of any other reason to be this hateful.

  24. I totally googled the nut--come on, I know I'm not the only one. It gets worse WAY WORSE! I am terrified for this woman's children. She said in her blog that her adoptive family was very good to her, but the emotional stress of being ripped from her mother as a baby is essentially why she's so bitter.

    If you think she's bad, you should read this letter one of her readers sent her.

    Be careful. I think the CRAZY might just be contagous!

  25. I'm sorry for you. However, even though I only know you through your writings, you strike me as someone who can "take" these kinds of things. Your sense of humor mixed with your thoughts inspire me :)

    And that picture is beautiful.

    Some people will never get it and I am coming to realize that it is okay. But boy had they better watch themselves if they mess with my kids!

  26. Very interesting post. That woman does seem awfully confused -- on many levels.

    I love what I've read about your adoptions. We suspect we might add to our family the same way. I look forward to reading more of your blog.

  27. Cheers!

    To a wonderful mother who dearly loves her children.

    Her comments baffle me to assume so much and be angered by a situation she doesn't know that much about.

    May we all be careful to not "assume" like she did.

    Bless you Julie

  28. Legal kidnapping? Is she kidding? That is one of the craziest things I have ever read. And that she thinks she is a lesbian because she was not raised by her birth mother? If that were the case, we'd be over run by now :-)

  29. That just makes me so sad, Julie. Sad sad sad.

  30. Hi, I'm visiting from Texas via BATW. First, I love your purple's lovely. I was totally shocked by what the woman wrote..she apparently has issues and is so out of control of her own self..that she takes her anger out on others. Never let that kind of person's what they want. Concentrate on those you love and those that love you.

  31. I love this blog! As an adoptive mom I am glad I found you and can really relate. I am currently reading Chicken Soup for the Adopted Soul and it is so inspiring anf fun I really wanted to recommend it... Happy Adoption Month!

  32. My three youngest brothers are all adopted .. I love them the same as my four birth siblings. They were all three foster to adopt, and came from bad situations, where death or injury was certain had they stayed with their birth families. It's a hard and emotionaly trying time raising them, guiding them through the tough times that are not yet few and far between. But I hope that one day they grow up to understand, and that they don't turn into male versions of Angry Lesbian.

    Stay proud, Well-Meaning Adoptress! :o)

  33. oh oh oh !! i absolutely STEAMING, smoke boiling out my ears, sweating, grunting, shaking mad!!! what a cow. can i say that here? what a cow! actually, on second thought, i kind of like cows, so what a ...argh, you know what i mean! isn't society blessed by people like her? i can't even write i'm so stinking pissed off! argh!!
    by the way gorgeous photo of you and your kidnapped it. :) argh!!

  34. I got so angry on your behalf when she said that Marlie is not yours and never will be!!! Who does she think she is to say something like that? Adoption is no less permanent (actually, is probably more so) than actually giving birth to the child.

  35. This woman needs Jesus. Oh my gosh, I didn't even know there were people out there who were against adoption! How stupid is that!

  36. Holy Moly! Where does a person put all of this rage and anger? I can't beleive you stumbled upon this! Adoption saves lives, brings new hope and opportunity! We all need a loving family, it's the basis of happiness! Wild!

  37. What hatefulness. I'm appalled that woman feels that way about adoption. She has some major issues for sure that need to be worked thru.

    Give your sweeties a squeeze from me.
    They are beautiful.
    I'm glad you're their momma.

  38. WOW! I never imagined there were such angry people out there. I know many adoptees are confused, bitter, etc. but this woman is crazy! I think adoption is wonderful and I wish more young mothers here in the US would consider their child's future and consider adoption instead of creating a cycle of poverty and child-mothers.

  39. this woman is psychotic... there are no other words for this. you are a REAL mother and those are your REAL children. nature or otherwise. man oh man. i can't even believe the audacity about "natural" families too. some kids are orphaned from unfortunate circumstances and some children's biological parents are not able to care for them. thank god for people like you and marshal!

    keep on keeping on!

  40. Haha! Angry Adoptees. Ohh the entertainment I find in them.