Sunday, September 2, 2007

Hotter Than A Snake's Butt In A Wagon Rut


Yes, it’s THAT hot here in sunny Los Angeles. For the past few days, we have been having temperatures between 105 and 108 degrees. This is the actual temperature, not the heat index. You would think with two 3-ton A/C units (enough to cool 4000 sq. ft.), that we could keep our 2500 sq. ft. house cool, but our A/C can barely keep up. It basically never cycles off, until the evening, when it cools down to a very reasonable 92 degrees (at midnight). Then I can hear the A/C unit turning back on around 1:00am. If it weren’t for my buddy Ambien, I wouldn’t be getting any sleep. The 10 day forecast tells me we should get a little relief on Friday. Until then... I must concentrate on survival. Sometimes one mistake can be the difference between surviving and certain death. Oh wait, um... I was just channeling Les Stroud from “Survivorman”. I love watching that show, partly because the guy is so over-dramatic. He risks death many times during each episode and makes sure to let us know how much danger he is in at all times. I don’t really think he’d be much fun to be married to. All drama all the time is no fun at all. Except it IS fun to make fun of, which I do many times throughout the show. It’s probably not so nice of me to laugh in the face of his danger. I am, however, learning lots of helpful survival tips if I’m ever alone in the Alaska tundra or African desert with nothing but a jar of peanut butter and some seal blubber. What was I talking about? Oh yes, the heat. The heat must be cooking my brain. I’m even more random than usual.

The heat is affecting my appetite. (not necessarily a bad thing) Today when we picked up lunch on the way home from church, I ordered the biggest size Dr. Pepper I could get from Jack in the Box. And that was my lunch. 32 ounces of Dr. Pepper. That’s it. I didn’t want any food. Just Dr. Pepper. And yes, I’m back on the juice. How could I not be with this heat? My Dr. Pepper consumption is at an all time high. Hey... I NEED to stay hydrated in this heat.

Due to the heat, I have a serious lack of motivation to do anything that requires motion, which is kind of inconvenient when you have three kids. I’m trying to devise a plan where I hide from the kids and let them fend for themselves. So far I haven’t found a suitable hiding place, because they keep finding me.

I can’t wait for this heat wave to be over. The sweaty cleavage is getting old.

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