Tuesday, June 6, 2006

WIBMAID- Well Intentioned But Misinformed Adoption Ignorance Disorder

Otherwise known as WIBMAID

We have all suffered the loving words of our fellow WIBMAID's and many times they are the people we were depending on the most. Unfortunately WIBMAID is a disorder that only shows it's signs of infection when those who have WIBMAID open their mouths and speak around those that are adopting.

Some of the more common signs of WIBMAID are:
-referring to the difference between biological and adopted as "real" and "other"
-imagination of an instant bonding process that the children feel like they owe you their love and gratitude for "saving them"
-explanations of why birth mothers deserve FMLA for the birth of their kids while adoptive mothers need to remain at work
-any conversation including the theme of "bringing bad blood into the family"
-the mentality that the adoptive children should forget their birth heritage and ethnicity and become only the new adoptive families heritage and ethnicity
-the assumption that because you adopt you must be infertile
-the assumption that all adopted kids grow up to be social inept or criminals
-morons that use racist language (about your child's race) around you because of your ethnicity
-use of the terms Oreo, ladybug, Klondike bar, or any of the other derogatory racist remarks that denote they are one race on the outside, but another on the inside
-the mentality that ones grammar, education, personal likes and dislikes determine ones ethnicity
-the refusal to acknowledge the love of the birth family for the child

Some of the more common people to be infected with WIBMAID are your best friends, your parents, your siblings and your religious leaders.

There are no quick cures other than what I refer to as Pavlov's Dog meets Churchill's Stick, but this method has a tendency to wind you up in jail. But for the sake of remaining scientific in my approach to this I will explain. It's a very simple process. Go to a home improvement store and buy a 2x4 about 4 feet long. Take a knife, a saw, anything with a blade will work and create a handle that you can comfortably grip with both hands on one end of the 2x4. Carry this 2x4 with you at all time and whenever anyone shows any of the signs of WIBMAID swing as hard as you can aiming directly for the side of their head. When they regain consciousness explain to them they are showing signs of WIBMAID and you will have to continue this treatment process every time they exhibit any signs of the disorder. Pretty soon you will notice less people show signs of WIBMAID and that people have a certain respect that can only be gained by carrying around a 2x4.

For those looking for other remedies you can try education. Most of the signs of WIBMAID can be alleviated by simple education, but this requires your time and their willingness to be open to change. There are some that are so ravaged by WIBMAID that in order for the health of your new family you will need to limit contact with these people. Prolonged exposure to those that suffer from WIBMAID can have very detrimental effects to adoptive children.

Unfortunately WIBMAID is transmitted orally, the young and weak minded are the most susceptible. Although Lysol does work if you spray it directly in the face of those infected with WIBMAID there is no way to know if those within earshot of the WIBMAID outburst have been infected. There is no way to know one is infected until the infection manifests.

Luckily there are varying degrees of WIBMAID. For the most part you will only run into slightly to moderately infected sufferers from WIBMAID. Although you will be tempted to allow their infection to go untreated you do not have this option. You as a parent are only slightly affected by the WIBMAID infection, it causes slight irritation, and blood pressure to rise in the normal adoptive parent. For the adoptive child it causes a severe drop in self esteem, a sense of self worthlessness and feeling of insecurity. As the parent your job is to create a safe and secure environment for your child and they are looking to you to protect them from those that suffer form WIBMAID. Unfortunately is seems as if the ones that suffer from extreme WIBMAID tend to be direct family and very close long time friends. Parents and grandparents make up the majority of these infections. If one chooses to use the path of education you must begin the process well before the child ever meets them. A single comment from a Grandparent with WIBMAID can have an impact on that child that will be with them for the rest of their lives. Many times it is necessary to inform family members that suffer from WIBMAID that they are to have limited or no contact with the child until they are free from infection. With any contact with family that suffers from WIBMAID you must be super vigilant. The child will be watching you to see whose side you are really on, theirs or the sufferer of WIBMAID. Your response to their infection will let them know just how "safe" and "secure" their new home really is.

Written by Avery. (father to four kids, two from Ethiopia)
Used by permission.