Friday, June 9, 2006

My Breakdown


I belong to these Yahoo Groups... all related to Ethiopia adoption. First I found the “Ethiopia Adopt” group. There’s 1200 members from all of the world, made up of adoptive families who have adopted/are in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. From there I was referred to the WHFC Ethiopia Adopt group. (families adopting from Ethiopia from our agency) Then we decided to start the Southern California Ethiopia Adopt group. I’m the group moderator. Now we do monthly potlucks with other adoptive families of Ethiopian children.
I recently decided to sign off the big Yahoo Ethiopia Adopt group. Too many emails in my box. (I get an email every time someone posts) Too many arguments about racism/race relations. Too many people arguing who’s agency is better than who’s. Too many Australians telling us Americans to stop whining re: the wait, since they can easily wait 2-6 years before they get a child. Getting moderated for mentioning the “G” word. (God)
A new Ethiopia Adopt Yahoo group was formed. “Christian Adoptive Families of Ethiopian Children”. This one has a totally different vibe. People are supportive, loving and pray for each other. And we can talk about God as much as we want!!! Well today one lady posted that she just heard that her baby girl had her court date and now the baby girl is officially theirs. They will leave in two weeks to pick her up. Someone else posted and asked her what agency she used, how long she waited to be matched with a baby, etc. She replied that she used Dove agency and was matched with her baby girl after one month of waiting. ONE MONTH.
Dove was one of the three agencies we seriously considered, when deciding which agency to use. We have been waiting since JANUARY to be matched with a baby girl! We are now told from our agency that people are waiting 5+ months to be matched and soon the wait will jump to 6+ months. What? How can one agency match their family with a baby girl a month after completing paperwork, when our agency’s wait is 5+ months and getting longer by the day? I’m sure logic would say it has to do with the number of families signed up in each agency vs. number of babies in the orphanage each agency uses. It’s just not fair. We could have had our baby in February if we had gone with Dove agency.
Marshall tells me this is not so. We were led to WHFC for a reason. Our daughter is not at Dove’s orphanage, he says. Our daughter is at Horizon House. (the orphanage run by our agency) That lady who was matched after a month did not get OUR baby girl.
It still hurts. I’m usually Miss Optimism. Miss Encouragement. I don’t feel like being optimistic now. I’m angry, it’s not fair, and I want my baby girl now!
I posted at our agency’s yahoo group. People were very supportive, allowing me to vent. I felt ashamed, since I’m not the next one on the list. There are other families ahead of me, next in line to be matched. Several people responded with kind, encouraging words. One lady reminded me that while Dove agency gets their children from several large orphanages, WHFC keeps a very small orphanage so they can give superior care to the babies/children. That struck a chord. The excellent care of the children in the orphanage was one of the first reasons we looked at Ethiopia in the first place.
Still... if we don’t get matched this month... we (and our baby girl) will be waiting until October until we can get her. At this point that is unfathomable to me. And that is unacceptable.